So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
