clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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