i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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