I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
