I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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