Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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