Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
