no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
