And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
