I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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