Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
3 2 1 whiskey
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
