saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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