You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
this just has baby written all over it
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
