Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
