What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
