She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
