My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
