I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
