I heard we made out
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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