I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
