Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
