Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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