Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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