I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
