so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
