careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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