its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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