Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
