In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
