What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
