Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
