So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
