Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
