Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
