man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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