I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
