need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
