one two three fourrrrnication!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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