i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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