so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
