Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Randomize
