One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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