She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
