you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
