There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
