He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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