I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
