i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
