Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
