pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
