Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
