Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How does one acquire holy water?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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