she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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