Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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