That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
