I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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