I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
