i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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