How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Do vagina's smell?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
