just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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