and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
