ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
